Cherished Memories

Yesterday was a typical spring day-it was chilly and raining. I worked on editing my cousin's wedding for a while then decided it was mommy/baby time. Lincoln and I went and laid in my bed and snuggled under the warm blankets. Life was cozy, safe and happy. It was the highlight of my day. I stared at him still in awe that he is REALLY here and he is mine. I felt overwhelmed by the love I felt for him. As I stared at him for what seemed like hours, memories of the hospital flooded back into my mind. Sometimes when these memories come, I have severe anxiety attacks. Today however, they were a little different.

The first night they let us actually have our baby in my room, I nursed him and held him in my arms for a while. I remember just staring at him falling head over heels in love with my new baby. This was an amazing feeling! The first time I met Lincoln I was so scared to attach myself to him because of all the wires, machines and him being sick. It was so scary for me. But, in the middle of this night, everything was so different. Lincoln just STARED back at me for so long. It was like he knew me and knew WHO I was. I remember talking to him and telling him HOW much I loved him. It was the most tender moment ever.



I started to sing to him, "You are My Sunshine."

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

When I got to this verse, I started to bawl...

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

I remember thinking that I couldn't live my life with out this little person. I was too attached now. My thoughts turned to my friend Laura. Laura lost her son Lincoln two and a half years ago. I cried for her singing this song and knowing it will be a while before she holds her Lincoln again. All of a sudden life didn't seem fair. I cried again for her loss and thinking what life would be like if I lost my little Lincs. I couldn't bare it. I felt so much gratitude that my boy was healthy and strong. I remember while holding my boy I thought, "Heavenly Father, if I have to die, PLEASE let little Lincs come with me-I need him so much. If he has to die, then you'll need to take me too because I don't think I can bare being with out him."

Licoln, I'll love you forever, I'll love you for always, as long as you live, my baby you'll be!



PS-HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMILLA!! Love, your cute little nephew and best big sister =)